Dubai and the magical waterslides and malls and sheesha and stuff

Eliot here: been scarce on my entries lately as my means of entry ain't been cooperatin', so here's a whole truckload of thoughts and such:

Dubai is amazing and huge and crazy and wild, etc. This you know.

What you don't know:

We're staying with my parents, who currently live in Dubai. Living with the folks has been really great (thanks again, M&D) - Drew and I get up pretty early here, like around 5:30-6am (when you listen out the window to hear the mosques pouring out the first call to prayer of the day), make tea and figure out what the day is going to be like. Been truly nice to have a peaceful, quiet, homey place to get over jet lag and adjust to opposite-world time zone. I hit the bed every night and immediately sack-the-funk-out. I'll often wake up a few times during the night to hear the screeching of tires on a Range Rover or Prado, or sometimes I'll wake from a "vivid" dream to look out at the city sleeping and hear just the buzzing of electric lamps and insects. Then when the mist dissipates and the cars start moving and the Indian guys bicycle by and the city comes alive, so then do you. It's pretty great, actually: I look forward to sleeping and waking up as a means of finding peace amid the fracas that the day supplies.

The Fracas: we've been visiting the various amazing sights that the city has to offer, from the tallest building in the world to simpler historical bits like the Dubai museum. Amid the forceful slap-in-the-face of amazement and wonder the city has to offer, I've been finding that simple things tend to stick with me just as much, if not more so, than the greater things. EXAMPLE: We popped over to the neighborhood sheesha (hookah) joint the other night and sat out on the sidewalk, had mint tea and puffed like a caterpillar. We people-watched as many Emirati youths piled in via their Range Rovers and grouped around us at tables to smoke sheesha and hang out. One large group of kids looked about 19 or so, and though they were all speaking Arabic, I could tell I had had that same conversation with my friends when I was 19, too. It was funny and true: despite the tall buildings, enormous malls, sprawling civilization and 190 different nationalities, I still felt an immediate sense of similarity and camaraderie with the offspring of this ancient culture. Pretty cool - thanks, travel!

Jet lag sucks. I sleep at weird times of the day, feel like a total sloth and then get bursts of energy out of nowhere. But you know what helps jet lag? WATER SLIDES!!! Wild Wadi, i.e. Arabian Schlitterbahn, was a total kick today. Good for the body and the soul. We're getting this overdose of luxury and endless personal service right as we're about to hop 3 hours over and find ourselves sleeping in a tent on the side of the road in India. Whiplash, but it has been a pleasure, and will no doubt crank the juice on our perspective-o-meter for this trip. For now, we're enjoying it. It's an interesting time to be alive, and Dubai is an interesting place to be alive.

We got tomorrow left here, then Thursday we ship out to Mumbai for the start to India. I'm truly excited to get started and get acclimated - I remarked to Drew today that I am already dreading the return at the end of the trip, as my travel "drug" will be no more. Interesting.

Tomorrow, we'll pop inland to the glorious desert and visit Al Ain and the highest peak in the Emirates, Jebel Hafeet. The view is supposed to be gorgeous and the drive dramatic. And if all else fails, we can hang out with some camels. They're known to wander around near the highways out in the open sections of the emirates. My dad's office used to have a heard that hung around, but the recent construction activity has booted them off to more remote pastures. Bummer.

I could like here, I think - for a year, maybe. It's like Las Vegas, and in such can be truly tiring and exhaustive. But, not to be descounted, the place is doing it's darndest to set a name for itself, and for cultural overload and exposure, one can't really find a better value. But what do I know? It could all be a mirage, sprouted up a few years ago and gone as quickly. Whatever the case, it's pretty cool to be here now. Yep.

4 Days to Go-Time

Here's a summary of Eliot's countdown week:

Yesterday: We weighed our checked luggage (see: bag of pannier bags) at Kinkos FedEx ( the guy there really gave us the hairy eyeball, too) - after a quick wager between Drew and I about the total cumulative weight of our non-bike stuff (he said 40-something, I said over 50 lbs), the bags came out to just about 41 lbs. Point Drew - he's definitely going to the showcase-showdown now.

Last night: Fabulous party at Cameron's folks' house (your Mom is a premium dancer). Ended up in a very cold swimming pool. Good night, amen.

Today: Packed up my junk, i.e. worldly possessions, into the back of the car and ready to take it down to my Grandparent's house for storage.

Tonight: Put my bike and anything else under 50 lbs in the giant shipping box that we'll be using to check our bags on our Emirates flight to Dubai in 4 days.

4 DAYS!!!!!!! HOLYMOLYROLYPOLY!!!

Tomorrow and Tuesday: Breakfast at Chuy's with Grandfather, dominoes and Trivial Pursuit with Grandmother, quality time with Merlin.

Wednesday: Hop a bus to Houston, meet with my cousins and spend the night. More Trivial Pursuit, hopefully.

Thursday: AIRPORT!!!! Adios, 'mer-cuh, hola Dubai and India-na-na-na-na-na-na

Time's up, let's do this!

Making Lists, Checking Them Twice, Going Crazy

Now with 9 days to go (!!!!), Drew and I are fervently checking boxes on checklists and making more checklists to check in the interest of being as prepared as possible, and having a checklist to check constantly, check-it-y check check check. The other morning, whilst waiting for our breakfast at the Startz Cafe in Canyon Lake (test ride pictures to be uploaded soon!), I asked Drew, "wanna make a list?" Like, wanna play cards, or, wanna build a fort? Amazing.

This has become almost a pastime, making lists and coming up with stuff to take care of, and the closer to the deadline, the more lists there are and the more stuff to make lists about. I'm feeling more or less prepared, both mentally and check-list-ally, but most nights for the last week I have been waking up in the wee hours and writing down something crucial I forgot to do. Lists have come to be the overlapping memory I am trying to keep straight. I wish my mind could keep all this junk in order, and maybe after a few generations of evolution, it will. But for now, I gotta keep writing stuff down in my little to-do book, and on the back of bar napkins and HEB receipts and my hand and the cat.

As I lay awake in bed at night, I think of the lack of lists I'll have to keep on my mind when I'm floating free down the little Indian byways, waving at farmers and high-fiving holy cows. Then I lift off the ground and fly high above the country-side, zigging around the Taj and bouncing off the tops of trains and rickshaws. Then I fall off the bike into a giant inland sea made entirely of curry, eating and swimming at the same time. I climb out and wash my sins off in the Ganges, floating down in an innertube, Comal-style, until I fly off a waterfall and land on top of a big temple. Grabbing a zipline, I whizz above the crowds of pilgrims and holymen, dopping down onto my bike, which has magically scooted under me. I toss some rupees to a guy who chucks me a cup of Chai. Man, ain't life great.

Then I woke up and realized I was writing a blog entry. Snorrr-wha?

All in all, the list-making organizational process gives me peace, and the closer we get to the jet-day motivates me more and more to prepare. If today I'm this crazy on the crazy scale, in 4 or 5 days I'm gonna be THIS crazy. Like Gary Busey crazy.

OK, off to Pleasanton to see my Grandparents - they will be performing the admirable task of looking after my superb cat friend, Merlin - whom without, I would just be a man.

When in doubt or under pressure, just meditate, Om-style. Or try laughter.

Checklist: √

Tickets to India - √

Visas - √

Travel Insurance - √ (mostly)

Bikes and Gear - √

Fear - √√√√√√√√√√!!!

Yep, a little shaky and nervous, but readyreadyready to rummmmmmmmbleeeee!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

spicy safari, episode 2

EPISODE 2 - Ears for Years

OR

the Grey Leg-Faced Man

There are two kinds of elephants in the world - the large, gas-guzzling, high-octane African variety and the sporty, efficient left-wing endorsed Asian type. Four exciting models of Asian elephant are available, but the one we want to focus on today is the Indian Elephant for obvious reasons. we're going to India, remember? It's why you come to this blog? Ugh ...

... ANYWAY: Indian elephants, like other Asian elephants, have smaller ears than their african brethren.  And while only 9% of sri lankan elephant males have tusks, a whopping 90% of indian elephant males can gore their opponents with their giant teeth. Yep, you heard right! Like walruses, elephant tusks are actually over-sized incisors.  You've probably heard that the tusks never stop growing: you heard right! Additionally they have a few large molars that they grind back and forth to much their grub. 

warning - PG-13! 

Indians have been domesticating the elephant for work, transportation and war for thousands of years. Mahouts are legendary elephant trainers who will raise a calf until he or she is ready to be an awesome partner in life-adventures. the Mahout and his elephant companion are common characters in indian folklore and a popular attraction in contemporary communities.  likewise, many temples keep an elephant around, typically painted up and given special treatment. one hindu myth says that the gods stirred up the oceans looking for a potion that would make them immortal (remember, Gods die too in Hiduism!) and instead nine precious jewels surfaced. one of these was the elephant.  in accordance with this myth, elephants are revered as sacred, holy animals - sometimes even prayed to. 

sweet tats, bro

Worried about getting trampled? Don't. The way humans kill elephants, you're more likely to witness an elephant poaching than be squished by one. The WWF (not the WWF) says that Elephant populations (particularly in asia) are dwindling but recent conservation efforts have seen them rise to the status of "dwindling but not endangered." 

personally, i think we should ditch the bikes in india and hook up with some mahouts. DREW & ELIOT'S HEAVY METAL ELEPHANT WORLD TOUR - COMING 2011!! 

spicy safari, episode 1

EPISODE 1 - Snakes on a Sub-Continent

OR

Coma closer, where I can see you!

As Salaam & Namaste, viewers and welcome to the Spicy Safari Zamboni A Go-Go! Our first installment on the flora & fauna of india will examine the deadly snakes of the Indian sub-continent. In addition to elephants, vampire bats and crazy bugs, there are an at least 270 species of snakes in india with 60 of these being VENOMOUS! Species in india include the asp, the king cobra and many other snakes appearing in the India Jones franchise. 

Let's start with the King - the KING COBRA that is! The longest venomous snake in the world (reaching up to 18 feet in length!), the king cobra is not, in fact, a true cobra, belonging instead to it's own genus.  King Cobra venom is actually less venomous than common cobra venom and they have smaller fangs.  the king cobra makes up for this by pumping it's victims full of venom - up to 7ml, enough to KILL AN ELEPHANT! Crap! 

WHY AM I TAKING THIS TRIP?!

The common cobra, while much smaller is a very common sight in southern india - double crap! it's responsible for a "high number of fatal bites" and, like other cobras, is an excellent swimmer and climber.  their venom is a powerful nuerotoxin which attacks the nervous system: it stops your heart, paralyzes your body and puts you into a coma before you die about 30 minutes later. WE'RE DOOMED! 

Kraits are another snake that is common, deadly and OH MY GOD WHY AM I TAKING THIS TRIP?? Their bites are even better than most because they have no initial symptoms - until your lungs stop working! not only are they super deadly, they're nocturnal, love human habitations and are regularly confused with the harmless wolf snake. Jerks! 

In addition to neurotoxins which paralyze and attack the nervous system, some snakes use hemotoxins that attack blood causing the bite area to die off, turn into gangrene and get super-duper gross before falling off entirely. excuse me while i curl up into a ball to cry and cry and cry for a little while ... 

NEW PANTS HERE, PLEASE! 

Finally, the Indian rock python - one of the world's largest snakes -  kills by constricting, like the boa.  additionally, both the boa and the python are the only two snakes not to completely lose their little legs.  they continue to have "spurs" - tiny little nubbins they use to scoot along. cool? NO YOU FOOL, THAT'S TERRIFYING! 

Snakes have great eye-sight but are generally very near-sighted.  Many, like vipers, can "see" your heat with their tongues and the tiny Jacobson (or Slow Painful Death) gland. snakes typically like to chow down on little rodents and eggs. they don't want to kill humans for food because we're basically giant monkeys to them and that's gross. still, if you step on one, go poking on with a stick or accidentally sit near one it might become threatened and bite you. most bites come on the extremities since that's probably what you were dumb enough put near the snake, but bites on the haunches and flanks happen too. 

Just like eliot & drew, if you are planning on traveling to india or any other place in the world with horrible death serpents hell-bent on destroying you're body through trickery, lightning strikes and a mind of pure evil, please take a snake bite kit. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRAAGGHHHHHH! 

going number 2

i'm not going to beat around the bush: toilets in india are different than toilets in america:

the basic idea is the same. you, um, just put pull the train into the station, you know? but whereas we like to sit enthroned, comfortable and relaxed atop the porcelain seat, indian dudes and babes just squat down and let 'er rip. there's always a tap with a bucket which, as one set of instructions informs us, one is to "forcefully empty in the direction of your bottom." 

we're packing toilet paper. and hand sanitizer. 

EXHIBIT B - actually pretty cozy looking. Gross Factor: 1/5 Encharitos or a Whoopi Goldberg film

our basic perceptions of indian toilets are based on whatever google image search can turn up, the few indian movies featuring the pot, and this one story our buddy seth told us about this time in thailand where four dudes just came into the bathroom while he was popping a squat and stared at him while he finished his business. personally, i think they were taking bets. those thai dudes will bet on anything. 

EXHIBIT C - Gross Factor: 4/5 Encharitos or Pizza the Hut

On the other hand, it's possible (nay, probable) that we're just spoiled. i mean, putting your butt where other people's butts have been is pretty gnarly. this is actually a really sanitary way to make boom-booms. the only part of you that comes in contact with anything is your feet, which are hopefully in shoes and pretty dirty to start with. the water makes good sense and keeps you smelly-free. i mean, yes, using your hand grosses me out but then again i come from the west where we put paper on our toilet seats, paper in our bums and paper dries our hand. is it cleaner? arguably. is it more wasteful? almost certainly. plus, most toilets india are probably totally awesome: 

EXHIBIT D - Gross Factor: 0/5 - I would be honored to "numero dos" down there.  

we'll let you know what we make of all this when we get to india. i don't know what it says about us, but we get really excited about stuff like this. cultural differences i mean, not scat. 

eeeewwww. sorry for this one, readers.